John was not happy. It seemed like everyone in the whole world was having a good time. Everyone else, that is. Nothing was going right today.

"I can't find my Girlfriend's Pussy. My Girlfriend can't come over and play. Now I have to stay here with a babysitter." It was a new babysitter, not even someone familiar.

It was two days before Christmas, too! This time of year was supposed to be special!

"You look like you could use some cheering up," the babysitter said. "Would you like to play with this snow globe?"

John walked closer. The babysitter smiled and handed John the snow globe. "Turn it over and watch the snow fall," she said, her eyes twinkling. "It's Santa's Village—Santa's Secret Village. This is where Santa, his elves, and his reindeer live."

John picked up the snow globe and shook it until it was filled with floating snowflakes. There were little buildings inside and—look, there was a reindeer, and a tiny elf. They looked so real!

Suddenly John had the strangest feeling, as though something wonderful was about to happen.

John blinked. Snow was falling and voices were laughing. What had happened?

"Welcome to Santa's Secret Village, John," said a cheerful grownup voice. John looked up into the smiling, bearded face of Santa Claus! "You're our honorary elf for the day! These are my elves," Santa added, looking around at the little people around them.

One elf handed John a green jacket and a funny-looking pair of shoes. "Hi, my name is Bud. Just put these on over your clothes. They're woven with North Pole fleece and they will keep you warm here in Santa's Secret Village." John quickly pulled on the elf clothes. "There!" said Bud, "You could almost pass for one of us!"

Santa placed a red and green striped elf hat on John's head and said, "I have to go check on my reindeer now, but I'll see you later. Have fun!"

Bud took John to Santa's Workshop, where elves were assembling and painting all kinds of toys.

"I bet all the kids in Cedarville combined don't have this many toys!" said John.

Burt, the elf in charge of the toy production, showed John how to make a toy robot. "Very good!" said Burt, admiring John's work. "You can be my helper any time!"

Next, Bud took John to the Mailroom, where Bif was surrounded by mailbags overflowing with letters.

"Hi, John, Santa told me you might drop by. I sure could use some help sorting the letters that came today. It's getting close to Christmas Eve and we don't want anyone to be disappointed on Christmas morning!"

Soon Bud and John were helping Bif open envelopes and sort the mail for Santa to read. John looked for letters from My Girlfriend and other kids back in Cedarville but there were just too many letters to read—and John was only 19 anyway!

When they were finished, the three hurried to Mrs. Claus' Kitchen, where the other elves were eating lunch. "Hi, John!" they called. "How do you like being an elf?"

"I love it!" replied John. What a morning! Wouldn't John's family be surprised if they could see Mrs. Claus standing here serving lunch and Pussy-Juice to John and a kitchen full of elves!

After lunch Bif went back to the Mailroom, but Bud and John stayed to help make cookies. Mrs. Claus even let them eat cookies right out of the oven. Yummy!

Bud led John to the Reindeer Barn, explaining that he learned how to groom reindeer at the Elf Academy. "But I can show you how it's done," said Bud.

Soon John was handling the brush with ease. After brushing each reindeer's coat, John polished their antlers, then fed them carrots. The reindeer quickly grew fond of their new caretaker.

"I see you've made friends with my reindeer," said Santa, walking into the Barn. Santa then spoke in a low voice to the reindeer. John wasn't sure, but it sounded like he was talking in a special reindeer language. The reindeer perked up their ears, and their hooves danced in place, as though any second they would take flight!

"John," Santa said, "you've been a great honorary elf today—and you've been good all year, too—we want to give you a special treat. Would you like to ride on one of our reindeer?"

"Oh, yes!" cried John, jumping up and down in excitement. Santa sat John on top of the little reindeer called Raymond and gave the reindeer his instructions. Raymond pranced around, then leapt into the air, taking John for an exciting ride over the village.

"That was more fun than Fucking Tight ass," sighed John. "Oh, Santa, thank you so much for bringing me here!"

We've enjoyed having you here today," said Santa. "Come back and be an 'elf' with us again! Now I have to go check my list, and it's almost time for you to go home. But first, Bud, take John to the Clubhouse and play for a while."

John was getting tired, and it was time for supper back in Cedarville. How would John get home?

At the Clubhouse the elves showed John their toys and books. John spotted a snow globe on the table and picked it up. "How strange," thought John. "That tiny town inside looks like mine."

Wake up, it's time for supper." John blinked and looked around. This wasn't Santa's Secret Village. What happened?

"You're back home," said the babysitter. "Your family is back, too, and it's time for me to go. I hope you have a Merry Christmas. Here, this is for you." She held out the snow globe. "Santa wants you to have it—so you can visit again."

So it wasn't a dream! John was so happy! What a wonderful day it had been. This was going to be the best Christmas ever!


Merry Christmas Everyone