Dear Reader,

Nothing beats a Stephanie Plum novel for pure guilty pleasure. Full of humor, mystery and a heat that sizzles just under the surface, Janet Evanovich's books never fail to lift my mood and make me laugh. If you have never read a Stephanie Plum novel but enjoy humorous, sexy women's lit or chick lit, I hope my humble fan fiction fantasy will send you out to a bookstore, or at the very least, to your local library. It may not be the steamiest story I've written, but hopefully you will find humor and entertainment in it anyway. Enjoy!


"Hey, babe."

"Augh!" Stephanie nearly dropped all four paper grocery bags she'd struggled to carry up the four flights of stairs to her apartment. The elevator wasn't working again, and if the past was any indication, would not be in working order for weeks.

Ranger neatly stepped forward to place a balancing hand beneath the bags before they tumbled to the floor.

"What are you doing here?" Stephanie demanded, sliding the bags onto the tiny counter in her kitchen. A shopping bag from Macy's was slung over her shoulder and she lowered it to the floor in relief.

"I was in the neighborhood," he said vaguely and began poking through the sacks.

Stephanie bristled at his non-answer. "Hey, get out of there!"

"Food is fuel for the body," Ranger replied, lifting a box of a dozen Krispy Kremes from the bag. "When are you going to start eating better?"

"Hey, I bought eggplant. Eggplant," she stressed. "Don't I get points for that?" She knew eating Krispy Kremes was no way to rid herself of the extra ten pounds that kept her jeans perpetually unsnapped, but after all, she did run three miles a day. Most days. And yeah, it was more like a slow plod. But hey, she tried. What more could a Jersey girl do?

Ranger was systematically pulling vegetables and candy bars from the bags when he came up with a nondescript blue plastic bag, filled to the brim.

"Oh, shit. Give me that!" Stephanie demanded, but her five-five frame was no match for Ranger's inhuman strength. He easily lifted the bag over her head, an amused smirk marking his dark Cuban good-looks.

"What have we here?" he mused, dangling the bag over Stephanie's head while she bounced on the ridiculous red spike heels Lula had talked her into buying, struggling to rescue her dignity.

What dignity she had left fled when the heels slid out from under her and landed her flat on her ass on the ugly linoleum floor.

"What the hell is going on?"

Fuck. Joe Morelli stepped through the door Stephanie had left wide open.

"Great timing, Morelli," Stephanie mumbled wryly, stumbling to her feet.

"Stephanie's been hiding something from us," Ranger said, casually drawing an impossibly huge dildo from the bag.

"It vibrates," she said dumbly.

Joe raised his eyebrows. "Got something planned you haven't filled me in on, honey?"

"No," Stephanie denied emphatically. She hastily tried to explain. "I was supposed to arrest Caroline today the lady who owns the smut store. Did you know she keeps a fully loaded sawed-off shotgun beneath her counter?" she addressed the question to Joe. "I think you need to go in there with the SWAT team. That lady is dangerous."

"Sorry. Not my area," Morelli replied, not bothering to hide his amusement.

"So what'd she do, hold you at gunpoint and force you to buy stuff?" Ranger asked, continuing to sift through the bag and pulling out edible body cream, a book of erotica and several decks of playing cards featuring nude men and women. "And you bought a Playboy?"

"That's exactly what she did! What the hell was I supposed to do? I just grabbed whatever I could reach until the crazy bitch was happy!"

"Admit it, babe. You enjoyed it."

Stephanie cast a guilty look at Ranger, who now leaned against the counter, muscled forearms crossed over a broadly muscled chest. His sleek black hair was drawn into a ponytail that fell to the middle of his back.

God, he was hot!


And she'd been staring. God... how mortifying! "No, I did not enjoy it."

"Methinks the lady protesteth too much," Morelli drawled, grinning widely.

Okay, so she had enjoyed it a little. That naughty thrill she got from buying something that would make her devoutly Catholic mother swoon. If only she hadn't been forced to buy it by a three hundred pound woman holding a shotgun.

Morelli moved to the counter and began digging through the bag that Ranger had abandoned. "I think we could have some fun with this. What do you think, Manoso?"

Stephanie cast her eyes back and forth between the two men. Something wasn't right. Normally Ranger and Morelli were natural enemies; one walked a fine line in a legal and ethical sense and the other was a trained enforcer of the law. Not to mention that Stephanie had spent the last year or so attempting to choose between them. In vain.

Yet they were acting like close friends, casting mysterious glances between them and neither had bristled with jealousy simply by being in the other's presence.


"What are you two up to?"

"Just leave it to us, babe," Ranger said, and Stephanie promptly found herself slung over his sizeable shoulders, red shoes dangling over his front as her eyes came level with his nicely toned ass.

Numbly, she watched as the ugly linoleum gave way to uglier orange carpet.

Ranger unceremoniously dumped her onto her bed. Joe followed them into the room, carrying the blue plastic bag.

"Think we should leave the shoes on?" Joe asked, dumping the contents of the bag onto the dresser, which was already covered with hairspray, mousse, mascara and everything else Stephanie needed to make herself presentable in the morning.

"Definitely leave the shoes."

"Guys, what are you doing? C'mon, this is..."

Ranger's hands silenced her momentarily as he grasped the neck of her red silk shirt and pulled.

"I just bought that shirt!" she protested as scraps of silk landed on the floor. "You're paying for that! Oh..." Her objections turned quickly into a soft sigh at the sensations of his fingers on her skin. He brushed her bare skin lightly, trailing his fingers over her face, down the sides of her neck, over her shoulders until she shivered with pleasure.

She couldn't help arching her back as Ranger's fingers continued to play over the pale skin he'd just exposed. Her breasts overflowed the lacy cups of the bra she wore and he gently traced each curve with one lazy finger.

"Steph? You got anything a little more... realistic?"

She turned her head to see that Joe had unpackaged the giant dildo. Sighing, she admitted, "Third drawer down."

"Tried to arrest Caroline before?" Ranger asked, tearing his eyes away from her body long enough to glance at her face. She was stunned at the way they'd darkened, more intense and full of desire than she'd ever seen them. His long, dark lashes brushed his cheeks.

"You'd be amazed. Mmm... don't stop."

"Don't intend to, babe." His hands slowly drifted down her ribcage, causing her to flinch and ache for his touch all at once. He lightly touched her abdomen and played with the waistband of her jeans.

Remembering they were already unsnapped, Stephanie winced at the thought of Ranger seeing, feeling, the ten pounds she hadn't managed to get rid of.

No more Krispy Kremes! She promised herself.

Then she forgot all about it as Ranger's hands slowly loosened her zipper and slid beneath her lace panties. His fingers slid down, down and inside of her and she raised her hips to meet them.

The sound of ripping denim sounded sharply through the room, startling her from her erotic musings.

"Not my jeans too! Ranger!" she yelped, nearly leaping off the bed.

"Relax, babe. I'll buy you new ones."
"You sure as hell will," she retorted and relaxed a bit. Ranger was lucky he was loaded.

He simply smiled insolently and continued his task, his muscles bulging as the fabric parted, revealing her legs.

Shit, should've shaved today.

"Shh," Joe whispered from above her head. "No one cares."

Had she said that out loud?

As Joe bent his head to kiss her, Stephanie felt Ranger's fingers sliding down her legs, all the way to her feet and back up again. She burned, lifted her hips off the bed as Joe's tongue tangled with hers.

Joe's hands slid beneath her to deftly unfasten her bra. He moved the straps down her shoulders just as Ranger drew her panties down her legs.

She was deliciously naked, while they were still, infuriatingly, fully clothed. She reveled in the fact, however, that Ranger's snug black jeans revealed the outline of his erection and even Joe's saggy blue jeans couldn't hide his arousal.

Joe continued kissing her, his hands shaping and molding her breasts, thumbs delicately playing with her extended nipples. She moaned into his mouth as she felt Ranger's tongue dancing lightly on her clit.

"Morelli?" Ranger's voice was a mere whisper. His dark hair had come loose and now framed the shadowy angles of his face. Stephanie could feel it brushing against her thighs. Like silk


Joe passed something to Ranger and a moment later Stephanie heard the hum and felt the intrusion of the pink vibrator Joe had retrieved from her drawer as Ranger pressed it inside her.

"Holy sh..."

Joe's mouth swallowed the "it" as Ranger's tongue continued working its magic on her clit, gently teasing her with the toy. Joe's hands left her for one moment and returned with a dollop of body cream which he proceeded to smear over her entire torso.

Then he began licking it off, slowly, delicately. Down her torso, between her breasts to her navel. Back up one rib cage and down the other. Occasionally his mouth returned to Stephanie's, sharing the sweet vanilla taste with her. His mouth found her breasts and worked in circles, cleaning them off inch by maddening inch until his lips finally grasped her nipples and sucked.

She was right on the edge... she could feel her body reaching, straining...

The first orgasm swept through her body in sharp, sweet spasms. Her back arched, pressing her breasts more firmly into Joe's mouth. Ranger continued sucking on her clit and she had to kick him away with one sharp red heel as she was unable to stand the assault on the sensitive nub. A muffled groan sounded from the injured Ranger as the vibrator withdrew from her

She was still reeling from the orgasm and barely noticed the men had traded positions until she heard the rasp as buttons glided from holes and zippers were released. She heard the softer sounds of their cotton T-shirts Ranger's solid black, Joe's Knicks t-shirt being stripped off and tossed aside. Jeans followed. She had no idea when they'd removed their shoes, but in the dim light filtering through the bedroom window, she could see both men were gloriously naked.

They were each well-built, but in different ways. Joe was tough, compact and lean while Ranger was a bit taller, darker and more powerfully built. Both were gloriously endowed. Stephanie couldn't decide which was hunkier, but she wanted them both.

Strong hands lifted her slightly and slid her so that her hips rested on one side of the bed and her head dangled nearly upside down from the other. Their naked skin brushed against her own and sent shivers of pleasure running through her body.

Joe arranged himself between her legs and slid his cock deep inside her while Ranger stood at her head, dangling his just above her lips.

She jerked her head upwards and caught it gently between her teeth before taking as much as possible into her mouth.

God, he was huge.

His hands played with her hair and stroked her cheeks as she sucked and licked with her mouth and tongue and touched with her hands. His fingers wandered down her neck and over her shoulders. He bent slightly, angling himself to better move inside her mouth and she gasped slightly at the effort it took to accept him.

All the while, Joe moved rhythmically inside her body, his hands roaming over her upraised breasts, abdomen, thighs and ass while her ankles crossed behind his back, forcing him closer. The rhythm increased, higher and higher, until she thought she'd die from the pounding of his body into hers. And she'd die if he stopped.

Stephanie came again, her inner muscles clenching around Joe's cock, triggering his own pulsing orgasm while her mouth relaxed around Ranger for just a moment, one moment to relish Joe emptying himself inside her body.

Joe continued to move, triggering a third orgasm that wracked Stephanie's entire body, just as Ranger's cock flooded her mouth...

Stephanie's eyes flew open. Her entire body hummed with the aftershocks of the orgasm that had just wracked it.

Holy shit, what a dream! Couldn't she even be faithful to Joe in her sleep?

"Babe. Must've been some dream."

Stephanie's eyes shot to the corner. In the dark, she could barely make out the shadowy form of the sexy, mysterious Ranger.

She was in for it now.